The Worst Christmas Songs...

Worst Christmas song ever. What song did you think of?

Yeah that one is probably pretty bad. Generally I find Christmas songs awful. Maybe it’s the overwhelming merriment. Might be the tendency toward shallow, pointless lyrics. Perhaps even the fact that, for whatever reason, the most played Christmas songs are sung by people who lack vocal talent on mind boggling levels. In this blog I (Erin) am going to list 5 of the absolute worst Christmas songs of all time and tell you just why they are horrifying.

5. Santa Baby – This song… I barely have words. Its creepy. So so so creepy. It’s a girl… trying to seduce… Santa Claus. Not. Ok. In addition, the Madonna version just makes it sound like a little kid whining.  And seriously, what’s up with the outer space car? Makes no sense. “Santa, Cutie”??? Whaat?? If you agree with this song, we cannot be friends. Another song that is close in running with this one (only slightly less disturbing which is why it isn’t on this list); “I Saw Mama Kissing Santa Claus. What kind of things are you putting in your kids’ heads??

4. Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree – This song conjures up images that I have never actually seen in real life. I have never seen anyone head-banging around a Christmas tree. There is zero point to this song existing and having to listen to the same few lines on repeat just makes me want to take the tree and feed it to the Grinch.

3. Happy Christmas (The War is Over) – Ok, so this one diverts from my generally cynical view of life and tunes a bit. This song is just a spirit killer. Yes, sometimes the excessive exuberance toward this holiday is a bit much for me, but good gravy! It’s not supposed to be outright depressing! I hear this song and I want to go into a corner and start crying. Possibly light the tree on fire and toss the presents in the garbage cause, what’s the point?

2. Feliz Navidad – A Spanish Christmas horror song. I almost had this as the number 1 worst Christmas song ever, but, believe it or not, there is actually one worse. This song has all of 4 different lines and somehow people manage to drag it out into an approximately 3 minute song. It’s like repetitive torment.  It’s one thing that they decide to throw the Spanish song in there, but the fact that they still have to translate what “Feliz Navidad Prospero ano y felicidad” means is just pathetic. If you hear that song after all this time and still don’t know what it means just ask any of the people you pass in normal daily life, cause I guarantee they know. Better yet, let’s just get rid of this embarrassment of a tune.

1. *drum roll* The number one most horrifying, awful, ear-bleeding Christmas song of all time is…...
I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas – Good gods of the Amazon aborigines. Let this song die. A quick, but painful death. I truly wish this song was an actual entity so I could slay it. The “kid”’s voice is one of the most obnoxious I have ever heard. Plus, this is one spoiled kid. Doesn’t want a dog or a toy… won’t even be ok with a Rhino. It has to be a Hippo. I tremble to think what his reaction is when he doesn’t get it. I have never ever liked this song from the first time I heard it. But to make it 10,000 times worse, my mother is obsessed with it. In the song “mom says a hippo would eat me up”; I hope he does, kid. I hope he does.

Well, that wraps up my cynical ranting about a joyous time. For good measure, I’ll include a link to what I think is actually one of the best Christmas songs ever , but many would disagree. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mk4woNRD7NQ

Me off.